So, I have been interviewing at a bunch of places so far, but no offer yet. As I am faced with a rejection after rejection, it’s hard to not to be discouraged. So far in my career, I’ve never had this much problem finding a job, and it’s both shocking and depressing.

I can attribute this situation to one thing: Stuck in the middle. I am still in the career transition from engineering field to product marketing, and companies assess that two-years of experience in marketing is TOO LITTLE and two-years away from hands-on technical work is TOO LONG. Those companies I have applied for product marketing position selected a candidate with a lot more marketing experiences. Those companies I have applied for technical positions thought I wasn’t technical enough. It would seem difficult to find a marketing position unless I have someone who can sponsor/champion me in a company.

Obviously, this is the lowest point of my life. And in times like this, you come to know who is really your friend and who is not. Well, mostly. I think some actually pretend or give you a lip service, but don’t really care. I’ve spent two years in Korea to transition my career, and if I don’t continue down this marketing path, those two years would seem like a total waste. I have been given a lot of advice from good people. They tell me I will definitely find something I want soon and something good is waiting for me just around the corner. I should stay positive and confident. It’s just matter of timing. All those interviews that didn’t work weren’t meant for me. They are all good and I am grateful for them, but….

But, I can’t help but feeling that walls are closing in. I see kids grow up and they need certain things like new clothes, camps, school, etc. Savings depleting too quickly…. Also, I hate being not settled down. Without a job, it feels like everything is up in the air. Tension is there, and so are silent worries. Everyone is on the edge, and it doesn’t help current situation much.

I don’t really want to stay in the East Coast, but I may need to stay here. But, if I didn’t want to stay in the East Coast but get an offer here, it can’t be why all other interviews didn’t work out…. I used to believe that I am in control of my own destiny and I didn’t believe in fate…., but I don’t know. I am so sure now. Maybe I have a little control over my destiny, and for some reason it’s been all mapped out for me…..

I hear that Virginia Tech gunman Cho Seung-Hui was picked on at middle and high school….for his shyness and perhaps accent. While high school is probably most miserable time for everyone…well for most except jocks and popular kids, it was probably his mental state that made everything worse. Watching his video tapes and pictures, I couldn’t help get feeling that he was really disturbed, troubled and just mentally ill.

I came to US when I was 16, starting high school as a sophomore. I tend to place high expectation on myself, and it was another case of it. I should have started as a freshman, but with enough credits brought from Korea, I wanted to graduate in three years. Geez, what a mistake. I mean I knew how to read and write English, but not as close to speaking or understanding spoken English. Not only that I had to adjust to new culture and new ways of life. I ended up staying extra year as senior to ready myself for college, and it was a good thing since I went to an Ivy League school. It is actually interesting that my first choice was Virginia Tech and visited the school in cold, cold winter of 1992. Anyhow, high school was pretty tough for me, too…. A few kids picked on me, but I didn’t think much of it, really. Come to think of it, I don’t remember most of my high school life….

College was much better, in terms of student’s tolerance. Most kids were acceptive of others and different things or culture. I’ve hung out mostly with Asian Americans, most of them 1.5, 2nd or higher generation kids…. Most of them were going through identity crisis. They were immersed in US culture and everything about them except looks says they are Americans (mostly Caucasians). I identified with them. My parents are very Korean, and I sometimes feel invisible wall between them and me. I love them, but since they moved to America in their 40’s, they cannot change their way of lives. Funny thing is that even though I thought they were really Korean, when they visited Korea, they found themselves counting days to come back to US…. They themselves had become 1.5 generation without knowing!

When someone asks me, I always answer Korean American or Korean descendant. I have characteristics of both culture, and that’s who I am. I cannot be completely Korean nor completely American. Unknowingly, my parents also had become Korean American, too.

In my quest for a full-time job, I submitted numerous resumes to Google. I also had a friend of mine working at Google to forward my resume for me. Since Google is in completely different industry than my background/experience, it was a long shot. I did web search on Google interview, and most were for technical questions. I didn’t find any for non-technical interview.

Why Google? Not only it is the hottest company, but Google is in best position to challenge many old business models. Is Google an ad company? Perhaps… 99% of its revenue is from ads placed in Google sites. Google is also trying to expand ad channels into radio, TV and games. However, I think its technology can be used to really revolutionize computing. I am not a big fan of Microsoft or its monstrous operating system or its bully tactics on competitors. Linux and general Unix flavors are all stable because their kernels are small, efficient and do whatever they are supposed to do well. Microsoft’s operating systems are kernel plus too much junk. Anyhow, it won’t be long until we have pervasive connection to the network and an efficient computing device with solid-state storage, small OS and a web browser. Most applications would be available online, as many so-called “software-as-a-service” promises. Key is to have applications available offline as well, and it would be just a matter of time until it is possible.

Anyhow, back to my story… I did get a phone interview scheduled. It was supposed to be about 45-minutes long. Since it was for a product marketing position, I did a lot of research behind Google products and their business model. But, the interviewer completely threw me off with unexpected questions such as how Internet would change in five years or how search would change in five years. I never recovered from them and I totally bombed the interview. As expected, I got a “Thank you, but no thank you” letter soon.

I was disappointed, but not so terribly, since I was rejected in the first interview. Then strangely enough, I’ve received another “first phone interview” email from the same Google recruiter who had sent me the very first phone interview request. I was pretty sure it was a mistake and sooner or later they will find out. I pretended as if I never had a Google phone interview and replied the email. Surprisingly, I had another “first” phone interview scheduled. This time, it was with different interviewer and I did alright….perhaps because this interviewer asked different and perhaps more relevant questions.

Since I would be in the SF bay area for a personal reason the following week, I asked whether they could arrange an on-site interview. From what I have heard, Google interview takes long and I honestly didn’t expect them to arrange it so quickly. They did, and I came in for an interview. Interview schedule was long, from 11 AM to 4:30 PM, talking to 6 or 8 different folks. I saw on the schedule that one of the interviewers was going to be the person who interviewed in the very first phone interview…….and gave a thumbs down. Most of interviewers asked a little about my experience and a lot of hypothetical questions….like if I were a product marketing manager of this product, what your marketing plan would look like, how would you make it better, etc. They also dig deeper based on your response….like computerized GMAT questions. I don’t know if you could really prepare for such interviews…. You have to think so quickly on the feet. It could come from mostly your relevant experiences…..and background…..and knowing what works and what doesn’t, etc… Of course, the first phone interviewer….who I wasn’t sure would recognize me or not. But s/he asked the same questions…. It could be that s/he didn’t recognize me or that s/he wanted to see if I prepared for him/her. I don’t know if it was the pressure to win this person over, I did the worst with this interviewer.

Overall, I enjoyed the challenging conversations… They were fair and seemed like questions they all have to answer day in and day out. It would have been fun and rewarding to work for Google. In retrospect, though, I think I should have been more forthcoming with what I have been doing since my last job. I just told them I enjoyed spending time with my family. I didn’t mention anything about my own business venture……, but I was afraid that I could be seen as a quitter, a failure, or someone who would quit anytime to pursue other ventures…. Oh, well…. Hindsight is always 20/20….., but who knows what really caused the rejection? Perhaps it was to do with all my answers.

The next week, I got a form “Thank you, but no thank you” email…..once again. This 2nd chance came out of nowhere and I was so lucky to get an on-site interview scheduled so quickly, but I couldn’t capitalize it. I am so depressed about it. But, no time to waste. I need to find a job quickly.

Off I go!

Hi!

I don’t know why you want to read my story, but I felt a need to chronicle my journey somewhere…albeit anonymously, and this day and age Internet would be a good place.

Who am I? Let’s see what words can describe me….

Man, in the 30’s, married, tall, two kids, wife, Asian American, 1.5 generation, aspiring entrepreneur, used to be an engineer, now trying to be product marketing professional, wears glasses (which asian americans don’t?), wants/likes something different, independent/foreign films, athletic (or I think I am), etc.

That should basically describe me…